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Archive for March 2009

Hello.  I wanted to share with you a recent book review by Bettie Corbin Tucker from Independent Book Reviewers.  To view the review online please visit the following link:

“Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage” Book Review


If you would like to pick up a copy of the book you can get it for a 20% discount at the following link:

20% Discount on Book


Equality
The Quest for the Happy Marriage
Tim Kellis
Gilgamesh Publishing
ISBN:  978-0-9799848-0-8
440 pages 

When I began reading Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage, by Tim Kellis, I expected to read a typical counseling book such as those that fill the shelves of bookstores. Most of these are written by experts in the field of counseling who have degrees in psychology, psychiatry, or pastoral ministries.  I was totally wrong in regard to the word “typical.”  This book delves deep into the mind, reminding readers of historical happenings, successful businesses, politics, education, religion, family backgrounds, and the scientific work of many individuals, all which, according to the author’s findings, can unlock some of the mysteries as to what is behind the 50 percent divorce rate among couples who promised to love one another “for better or worse.” 

Although written for couples, this is also a self-help book for individuals who may find answers as to why happiness has always seemed to elude them. The author stresses that individuals must be happy within themselves before they can be happy in a relationship.    It is not a book to be read in one setting since it is scholarly, philosophical and informative—a book that needs to be studied with an open, fervent mind.  Much of the book is autobiographical as Mr. Kellis describes his early home life, education, successful career, various dating experiences and finally what happened when he met Suzanne who captured his heart—someone he truly believed that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with.  At first the relationship was wonderful…it was beautiful…it was exciting…it was passionate…it was everything they both wanted.  Tim and Suzanne got engaged, fought, went to therapy sessions, and eventually broke up.  How could such a perfect beginning end so badly?   There had to be answers, and he would find them! 

The words “common sense” and “logic” are the threads that connect the chapters of this book through the author’s insightful research and obvious intellect.  Let’s take a look at the word “equality” and its role in a couple’s relationship.  Though Mr. Kellis talks about past traditions, he emphasizes that the movement toward equality between men and women was, and continues to be, a progressive move that is morally and legally justified.  He states that in a relationship both individuals must share equally in the feeling and thinking side of the psyche of the relationship. Men do feel and women do think; also men do think and women do feel! The author also believes that common sense leads a couple to take on the world together, rather than arguing with one another.  Instead of becoming involved in faultfinding, both parties need to concentrate on problem solving by using logic and common sense to help resolve issues.   

Among the many resources for his research, the author uses and critiques relationship books written by various authors and also studies the findings of scientists and health professionals—those from the past as well as those considered to be experts in today’s society.  Mr. Kellis has concluded that most of today’s therapists do not actually understand the problems in a relationship, or if they do, they don’t go far enough to actually find answers.  He also believes that they don’t know how to stop disagreements from turning into arguments. As someone who has done considerable counseling, I, too, believe this is true and that something is amiss with the training these professionals have received. The author emphasizes that faultfinding and simply defining a negative relationship does not lead to happiness; problem solving, on the other hand, gets to the root of problems and can save marriages. Readers are given a lot of information as to how the mind works, including how we all too often fall in love with someone because of looks and money, not understanding that we stay in love because of character. A very important lesson to be learned is that we must choose to get over our past experiences—including anger toward parents—or we will transfer such negative emotions onto our spouses. Face and forgive are two key words to avoid such transference.  When an individual first falls in love, this is experienced in the conscious as happiness; however, if there are unresolved issues in the unconscious that have not been dealt with, the result will be fear and unhappiness. The author, through the help and advice of friends, was able to forgive his parents for negative childhood memories that he had carried around for years; only then did he find the key to experiencing real happiness.  Suzanne, on the other hand, had never confronted her past and subsequently found fault after fault with him, a man she had loved so much—in the beginning.   

Tim Kellis touches briefly on the works of Dr. Sigmund Freud whose hypothesis was that our behavior is determined by the brain we are born with.  This leads to the conclusion that we can do nothing about our troubles. The author does not accept this theory but does embrace the work of Dr. Carl Jung who theorized that we have minds that develop and that we can correct our insecurities through the impact of our unconscious on our conscious. Dr. Jung spent his entire life delving into the workings of the mind.  

This book encompasses a vast amount of information for the reader to digest; however, it is a book for those who have chosen to find the path to real happiness—perhaps to turn their backs on many established therapy practices and think for themselves. Think, feel, and behave! Equality: the Quest for the Happy Marriage will help make this possible. 

At his last therapy session, the author received permission from his therapist to record the conversation.  Readers are given a word-for-word transcript of the session and can reach their own conclusions as to what was accomplished. 

It is my opinion that this book is unique and could prove to be a very helpful resource for individuals, couples, and professionals involved in counseling.   

Bettie Corbin Tucker
For Independent Book Reviewers
www.bookreviewers.org 

March 12, 2009


Tim Kellis

HappyRelationships.com

HappyMarriages.com 

Link

Here is a critical look at the national bestselling relationship book, Relationship Rescue by Dr. Phil, for a look at a book that does solve the marriage problem please visit http://HappyRelationships.com/

Link

Here is a critical look at the national bestselling relationship book, Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus, for a look at a book that does solve the marriage problem please visit http://HappyRelationships.com/

Posted on: March 18, 2009

Well it’s been raining all day, when will it stop

Link

I wanted to invite you to a chat I will be hosting tonight (Tuesday March 17, 2009) on relationships.  Please visit http://HappyRelationships.com/ to find out more.  


If you want to know why we have a 50% divorce rate you need to look no further than the “logic” used by the professionals.  And I have a wonderful example for you.  Below you will read a comment that someone actually posted to a blog interview I hosted.  To see the full blog interview please visit the following link:



I also want to let you know that there is a 20% discount on my relationship book “Equality: The Quest for the Happy Marriage”.


Bob Snider said…

I wish I had had the opportunity to read your book before posting a comment here. I think that we may disagree on possibly many points. Since I have not read your book, I am not sure what your total approach to the concept of “equality” is, however, as you can see from the following excerpt from my chapter on “Men & Women,” we probably disagree.“Let’s take a look at a phrase that has caused a lot of changes in our society. The simple phrase “men and women are equal” or phrases like it carry a lot of emotional weight, but what does this phrase really mean?  

Let’s remove some of the emotional charge from this phrase so we can examine it better. By using the word bananas in place of the word men and replacing women with the word peaches, we have the statement “bananas and peaches are equal.” 

Now, if I place a banana and a peach in front of you and say, “This banana and this peach are equal.” 

What is your reaction? 

Well, first the statement doesn’t make a lot of sense. What do you mean by equal? They are different, how can they be equal? How are you defining the term equal so that they can be considered equal?

My response is, why should the statement “men and women are equal,” be considered a logical statement full of reason when the statement, “bananas and peaches are equal,” has no reason or logic? The fact is that men and women are different just like the bananas and peaches and the term equal makes no sense at all.” 

I want to encourage you in challenging the establishment. With a 50% divorce rate, somebody is doing something wrong. I suspect that your book will provide comfort to a lot of the people that read it. 

Bob Snider

Tim Kellis said…

Bob I got a real good chuckle when I first read your post, but then realized the unfortunate reality of what the message that men and women are not equal, that they are different.  

Unfortunately, my friend, I have to give you a few historical facts that unfortunately completely refutes your stance. 

First, the concept that we as a nation used to continue to keep our African Americans unequal to us caucasians after the end of the civil war was referred to as “separate but equal”. The sad thing about your logic was at least this concept tried to logically establish racial equality, but your comment that men and women cannot be equal doesn’t even give each gender the benefit of a doubt. 

The unfortunate reality is that if you try to promote any concept that does not balance the perspective of others then you will continue our long-established patriarchal society system of beliefs.

You cannot balance the relationship unless you balance the perspective of each, what we have learned from our democratic way of life. If you try to keep the genders separate then you cannot find equality, or balance in the relationship. 

And just to explain my notion of equality. Mentally speaking, we all experience two sensations, thoughts and feelings. If each in the relationship do not have access to both then it becomes impossible for each to be able to relate to the other, and find balance in the relationship. 

I must admit, though, the analogy of men and women with bananas and peaches is about as ridiculous as trying to extrapolate the behaviors of mice and monkeys to determine the behavior of humans. 

Thank you for your comments. Unfortunately you are simply promoting the same prejudices as the rest of the psychology industry, as demonstrated by the ridiculous belief that men and women are from different planets. Last time I checked we were both from earth.

Sincerely
Tim

Now there you have it, advice at its finest.  Thanks for reading.

Tim Kellis

HappyRelationships.com

HappyMarriages.com

20% Discount on Book

Link

Here is a discussion on how to handle conflicts in your relationship.  Please visit http://HappyRelationships.com/ to find out more.  


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